WHY LEAP?

How about a new thought on taking a "leap of faith"  FAITH, it is a word that gets thrown around a lot; but do we use our faith?  I have faith, in my beliefs, in Gods protection, even faith in myself (though I let myself down a lot).   Every time we face a problem it seems we are told "have faith"; and we should.  But, how do we use our faith?  Things unseen; I am on this journey, I don't know where it is taking me and simply that scares me.  See, things are not easy now and I am not sure they ever were; things are comfortable, routine, I know what to expect of my surroundings and while they are not easy they are constant.  This actually causes a hesitation of action, and while feeling a calling fear holds me... one might say I don't have the faith I claim to have? Not true, I have faith in God and in the calling, its a lack of faith in myself that causes the hesitation... Can I live up to the expectation i set for myself?  God knows what I can do, and well plain and simple He loves me more than I love myself.  He know I am capable of more than I believe I am; the same is true of you!  God knows the person He created, He know the training He has allowed each of us to endure, yep all the difficulties, failures and successes have been training us to be the people God always knew we could/would be.  Maybe just maybe it is time to leap and grab hold of who we are.  We know God won't let us down, and His plan for us is PERFECT!

Midnight thought?

If all the self-help worked would there be a market for it?  Im not saying there is not some good advice out there, there is.  But before buying in to some guru think, what is the best customer?  A returning customer.  Self-help, diets, short cuts; the truth, life is hard we all need to cope.  Take the good advice and don't define yourself by the improvements you or someone else feel you should make... define yourself with Gods loving eyes, sometimes the greatest gifts are in the ugliest of packages... Your you, I am me... we all have things to work on and work through; and just so you (and I) know THAT IS OKAY!!!

BUILD YOUR HOUSE

Your house? Your place of safety from the world... I am not talking about the four wall in which you live, but more your belief and the execution of those beliefs.  We all need to find that inner peace, the feeling of safety from the world around us.  What we need for that has always been there, though most of us have no clue what we are looking at or how to build our house with the tools God gave us. I have spent most of my life waiting for God to fix it, to make the wrongs right and the struggles blessings and for things to just be easier.  God gave me everything i need to build my house, and everything I need to fix my life; but I have to use the tools and put in the work.  I have a million and one excuses for every situation I have ever been in, what if I stop here and except Gods forgiveness for my past.  Now, leave my excuses behind and leap forward in faith building my house?  Seem scary?  Yes it does!  I am where I am and He is who He is, if I set my sight on Him and follow His instruction my house will be strong and will endure to the end.  If I stay who I was my sight will be set on failure and will lead to more failure.  But the choice is mine, as it is yours; we have the tools to build our houses, what we do with those tools is on us.

Clean the  temple!

What is cluttering the temple?  Everything, the distractions of life have us running and running and never getting anywhere.  Think about it; when you woke up this morning what was the first thought chain running through your head?  For me, it was kinda like this... Dog needs out, bathroom, coffee, Lyss, dishes, trash, Sai, whats for breakfast, did the bank fix error, Lly needs to get to work, aah Sai is sick, Hai needs to sleep, dog 1 in dog 2 out, dog fight, spilled coffee, im not really hungry... yah my temple needs to be cleaned.... we all know our first thoughts should be turned to God, but our temples are so cluttered that the moment passes by in a rush of obligation and responsibility.  So, this week I will try something new... I'll set the alarm a few mins early and turn my first thoughts to God, Ill make sure the dishes are done before bed, the trash is out and coffee is set up before bed.  I will clean my temple both spiritually and physically removing the distractions that keep me from feeling His full peace.

BLAH

Ever think why in the heck do i even try? It has been one of those weeks... but there is a reason, because I deserve to be the best version of me I can be.  Yep, I am selfish, I deserve to be the best me!!!!  Others will benefit from this and others deserve it from me... but I have discovered enthusiasm, right or wrong, tends to fade when we think of things strictly in terms of others... see then we can negotiate ourselves out... they let me down, they weren't living up to their end of the deal... easy out... when we realize we personally deserve better the only out is to say we are not worth it.... I am worth it, you are worth it... WE ARE WORTH IT!

CursedBlessed? YES!

 WE ARE BORN CURSED!

We can blame Adam and Eve, but think for a second, would you have resisted the temptation?  If I look at my life, it speaks for itself, the answer would be NO.  I would love to say yes, but I don't resist temptations now.  We are cursed... from first breath.  We spend our lives searching for something, a feeling of acceptance, accomplishment, truth, and identity.  In our heart of hearts the longing we have is to feel BLESSED.  There is a reason and there is a way, it is up to us to find it.  I am not here to tell you I have a solution to all you feel, I don't.  I am here to travel the path with you... see I am on the same path of self-discovery, finding out my purpose and fulfilling it, becoming my inner-Christian and living BLESSED.

      Deuteronomy 28:15 "But it shall come to pass, if thou wilt not hearken unto the voice of the Lord thy God, to observe to do all his commandments and his statues which I command thee this day, that all these curses shall come upon thee, and overtake thee:"

This goes on into a list of grim outcomes and desperation, is that how you feel your life is going?  Sometime I do... but,

     Deuteronomy 29:29 "The secret things belong unto the Lord our God: but those things which are revealed belong unto us and to our children for ever, that we may do all the words of the law."

     Deuteronomy 30:2-3 "And shalt return unto the Lord thy God, and shall obey his voice according to all that I command thee this day, thou and thy children, with all thine heart and with all thy soul;"

          "Then the Lord thy God will turn thy captivity, and have compassion upon thee, and will return and gather thee from all the nations, wither the Lord thy God hath scattered thee:"

The truth of our curse is written, the truth of our purpose planned and the blessed feeling we long for within our grasp;  we each make a choice constantly to live in the curse or to follow unafraid to our blessing.  Take a step today toward your blessing, don't fear the loss of what is behind you, but be unafraid to open your heart to hear Gods truth... listen to that still small voice and let faith and hope overcome the world. 

DID YOU KNOW?

THE BAD!

• I have bad habits
• I am not in optimal health
• I stress over finances 
• I don't feel like I am meeting my obligations
• I neglect my relationships (even with God)
• I am somewhat anti-social
• I am still (at 40) trying to find me

THE GOOD!

• I am changing my habits
• I am working to achieve optimal health
• I am improving my financial situation 
• I am working on prioritizing my obligations
• I am working on my relationships (even with God)
• I am putting myself in social situations
• I am still (at 40) trying to find me

THE TRUTH!

     I am still finding me, it is good and bad, but it is true.  I am working and changing what I can; learning to accept what I can't.  I know my heart is nomadic, yet i feel very stuck.  And, I am content being stuck yet with each day  I find a stronger urge to break free.  I need to be me, I need to follow my path.  I am working on me, and I know the time is coming where I need the bad to be the overcame and the good to be the accomplished... The truth will always stand, for it is TRUTH!

FOUR SIMPLY DIFFICULT QUESTIONS:

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE PAST YEAR?

Well, do I have to be honest? Yes, yes I do...
     I wasted the last year!  That is the truth, I wasted the last year!  I didn't work on my goals, dreams, or even my relationships.  I didn't do anything I planned on doing.  I kind of got in the mode of if it comes it comes, if not I will continue to live day to day without a destination.  I let my emotions be dictated by others, I'm not sure that I truly felt anything honestly.  I have been a robot.

WHAT GAVE YOU PLEASURE? HOW AND WHY?

Honest, again?
     Nothing, at least nothing of great consequence?  Obviously, I had little moments with kids, dogs and parents; but I was very much a robot, not truly embracing anything.

WHAT EXPERIENCES WERE A SOURCE OF PAIN? WHY?

I am really not liking this honest look at the last year...
       Back to being a robot, I really haven't felt much of anything.  My pain came from a lack of desire to truly live.  I have just gone through the motions.

WERE MOST OF THE EVENTS DRIVEN BY YOU OR BUY OUTSIDE FORCES?

Honest?
     Outside forces, I have lived the last year for others.  What is really sad about that is it wasn't in a "people pleasing" kind of way; it was a bare minimum to keep all those around me satisfied enough to not give up on me.  But, nothing more.  I have just crawled my way through, wishing I had a different life.

I think some changes need to be made, this is not how we are meant to live...
I am changing!

6-12 it begins

Sunday, June 12, 2016

5:41 AM

Isaiah 12:1

And in that day thou shalt say, O Lord, I will praise thee; though thou wast angry with me, thine anger is turned away, and thou comfordest me.

I am sure through all my sins I have angered God, I have faith he will forgive me for my wrongs and turn his anger away… I must find a way to change my ways, to have faith in God rather than fighting him because I need or want and don't see how He is already providing…. My focus should change from what I can do to what God is doing, and hold confidence in His comfort, following his path

I watched a minister on tv this morning and he was speaking about the 7 laws, not catching the start or end, I got the impression that he was speaking "follow these 7 laws of the bible and God will make you rich like him".  But what he was preaching and what God was teaching me through his preaching were in many ways very different….  I found myself looking at these "7 laws and seeing how to find my "inner- Christian".  Inner-Christian (what is that?)  Its easy to tell the world you believe in God and to do amazing things in the name of God, even believe in the truth of God and not found your "Inner-Christian"  I am beginning to believe this is the development that takes you from "doing what the bible says" and serving God and His purpose without hesitation.

The first "law" was difference.  What makes you or me different from anyone else?  So what does make me different?  I don't know? Such a new yet familiar concept in my mind….  My mind is full of the clichés; I want to help people, I understand others troubles because I have lived so many of my own, and I want to teach and show people truth…. But I stop… I am not generic, God made me; He made me special to serve His purpose, to fulfill the destiny he has placed for me.  So how am I different? I don't know? But I aim to find out!  How? Prayer! Meditation and the finding of me.  Welcome to the journey.

My difference is my desire to heal.  Now, I am not talking about walking through the streets and curing the sick through the power of God, though I do believe God can and does heal instantly and has servants all around with great gifts of healing.  I am talking about offering people a safe refuge to bare burdens and to allow God to strengthen people spiritually, mentally and physically using me to help teach and guide if you will.  Giving people my understanding and compassion showing them love and being a light on their path to discovering their "inner-Christian".

The second "law" was of mind.  The man spoke of controlling our minds; setting goal, learning, and finding a hero… Wow!  Being me, I have set more "goals" in my life than I have ate dinners… What is my goal?  I am sure most people would go the same place I initially went, "to serve"; well duh!  But lets take a different approach, I am forty years old, where do I truly want my life in two years… yah two?!

Call me crazy, and many do, but I want to be in a RV traveling the country while teaching people via internet and classes how to make changes in their lives spiritually, mentally and physically.  WHOA, that’s the first time I actually wrote that down… that it went from thought in my head to words on paper… POWERFUL! 

Learning, that’s what I am doing.  Here in this journal of destiny to studying to be a personal trainer/nutritionist, see in order to help others I must practice what I preach… Oh my, more power….

A hero?  This is a hard one for me… "be not a respecter of persons"; there is a difference between respect and honor.  Let that sink in just a minute.  God told us to honor, not respect… we are looking for a hero, role-model we respect, we should be looking for a hero to honor. We honor the sacrifice Jesus made by living our lives in a way that the sacrifice would not be in vane.   We honor our parents by living our lives in a way that would make their sacrificing their wants for our needs would not be in vane; or in a way that their refusal to sacrifice self has developed a person more in tune with the needs of others and how our actions reflect that.  Obviously, it would be easy to say "God is my hero" and he is, "my parents are my heros" and they are, but who else? And how do I honor them?

The next "law" was recognition? Realizing what God has already put in front of you, that your not using… oh wow, ummm… My first thought, if I knew that wouldn't I be using it?  Then I remembered: I am me, so most likely not… I would trip over my own shoes while looking for them.  I have to be honest, I can see things coming in future but looking at what is here now, I drew a blank!  Then, I looked at my coffee table; there sitting on it was my laptop, my text books, my bible, and a cup of coffee.  Then there was this little voice in my head "have I not given you everything you need?"  Did I mention that I a the one who has to be hit by the 2x4 to know it is coming?

The fourth "law",  is the law of two… two?  Some call it soulmate, partner, friend; um yah, I'm a single mother that tends to have allergic reactions to dating… not even kidding, I have stories.  The man spoke of the animals going two by two, and a scripture of where two "or more" are gathered… it took me a min but I got it; a partner that is of like mind, that you can turn to when things are rough and you can do the same for them… a family, a group f friends or just one friend or maybe a plant until God sees you and your partner are ready to realize you have a destiny waiting to be fulfilled?

Number five of the seven "laws", place.  Am I fishing off the wrong side f the boat? Yes, yes I am!  Refer back up to "law" one.  I am stagnate,  I am roped into the "this is your life, deal with it" mentality.  I have made my mistakes, trust me, and here I must live within the consequences of those mistakes.  How do you write a new chapter when society forces you to remain living in the last book?

"Law" six, honor.  Am I living with honor? Am I honoring those I should be? Lets see,  and oh no!  Well that’s a problem.  It is time to focus on developing me.

And finally the seventh "law", seed.  What kind of harvest do you want and are you planting that seed?  Man, looked in the mirror and realized that law seven was in fact my 2x4!  I am planting the wrong seeds in neglected soil; before you can plant you must know what you want to grow.  I want to grow a life full of love, compassion, service and adventure.  I need to plant those seeds.  I want to find my "inner-Christian".

Me, Who?

Changing can be hard, being someone your not happy being is harder.  I woke up, forty years old, not even close to being the person I want to be.  So now what?  An adventure, one of self discovery, enlightenment, finding truth and becoming me.  Not the me I have been; the one that has lived and failed based on the expectations of others, but the me that God meant for me to be.  A me that looks in the mirror and says "yah, that is me", not the one dreading another day of uncertainty and a lack of fulfillment.  I see everyday what I am "suppose" to be; but it is not me.  So, who am I?